I think I might be dying.
No. Seriously. Based on symptoms it’s either appendicitis or the plague.
Granted, based on the petri dish of an office I work in, stomach bug’s more likely.
But if you see me staggering down the street looking like I just munched somebody’s brains, do me a favor. Do not pass go. Do not collect the Twinkies. Just put me out of my misery.